Well the weather surely doesn't feel like Spring!

Took Chance for a walk first thing and then went for a swim, 1200 meters. While I was there ran into some people from the Swim Club and decided to join. Hope this will encourage me to go more often and they have monthly groups to work on swimming technique. I think it will be a good thing.

The rest of the day has been running from one place to the next to do things for classes. Getting paerwork for notetakers and setting up meetings with teachers about this and that. Talking about getting a tutor for the class that I have an incomplete in from last term. Trying to locate the room for the first class.

Now, trying to get a little dinner and take Chance out before going to the evening class. I'm beat really, but it is a good kind of tired.

I made some connections about potential work for an independent summer study class that would set in motion were my graduate work would be, and talked to people about who I need to see to make the right connections for getting and advisor. I know that it is a year out, but that really isn't that far away. I feel like some really solid things happened along with a lot of work to make this semester work.

Staying in the present while looking to the future, it is a difficult thing to do, but has rewards.

Off to finish things up before heading off to class.

With everything going on, I think I forgot to mention that they dropped the disciplinary action.

Not without stringing me along and making life difficult for a while, but, yeah.

I failed the math mid-term that happened in the middle of all of it, and nearly failed the psych midterm. So, it had a bad impact on my accademic performance.

Lets just hope the rest of the term picks up. I really can't afford to fail a term.

Kinda dropped off the planet recently. The internet connection in the dorm room has not been working for the last week or so, and has made it hard to get online. It had been flakey before that, but then last week it simply stopped working. Friday night they decided that it really was the wiring and not a user error and will be sending someone out next week to look at it. In the meanwhile I'll try to catch things up over the next few days and try to use the mobile device for posting more. There has been a lot that has happened in the last week and I keep wanting to put it up here.

This also means I've not been ignoring everyone elses journals, just not had an easy way to read them. It is much easier to post from a mobile device than it is to read you'alls journals from a small mobile screen (well it's almost impossible).

I'll do my best. Until the post at a time, later.

It was a bit confusing, there was more than a little double speak. They said that in situations like this there are 2 avenues they can persue, one which is a meeting to discuss what is happen and the other is a formal hearing. When I asked why they didn't go the discussion route as it seemed a much more appropriate approach, which they agreed, I was given varied answers during the meeting (the question was posed more than once and the issue pressed). First the said that it takes time to decide if a meeting is the appropriate way to handle things and they were not able to get the necessary people together before the judicial process was initiated. This doesn't make sense in several ways, why have a process to decide if a judical approach is not needed if you can't get the needed people together in time and it would seem in a situation like this you would make the time to review it before starting a formal hearing procedure. Later they said they did not know why the Dean chose to approach it this way. Another time they said that campus safety pushed to have the hearing.

As for my side I think I was better prepared than they expected, judgung from the surprised looks on their faces. I led with how displeased I was with being served notice of a disciplinary hearing over a mental health issue. I expressed how this had impacted my academic performance. I let them know that there were more appropriate ways to discuss and initiate a discussion such as this that would not have such an adverse affect on a student with mental health problems and that this was poorly handled. Then came the description of all the stuff we are doing and have done to help stabilize and make progress. The presentation of the letter that my therapist wote and concluding with the question of what more would they like me to be doing? They responded by saying that they would give the information and letter to the doctor over at counseling and he would most likely contact my therapist to verify that she actually wrote the letter. They never even read the letter and at that point I insisted that at least take a moment to read it, everyone scrambled this weekend to get this information together for them, the least they could do is read it and acknowledge that.

They said that they were fairly certain that after the doctor verified evrything the disciplinary charges would be dismissed. So, officially that has not happened yet.

This is very frustrating.

This is what my therapist wrote to be presented at the hearing. She didn't want to get too deep into details, but to provide enough information that they could understand what was going on. Lets hope it helps.


February 3, 2008

To: Residence Life Hearing Officer, PSU
Re: Julia Case

Dear Sir or Madam,

I have written this letter to be presented in lieu of my physical testimony speaking to the emotional health and well being of my client Julia Case. I am a Licensed Professional Counselor in private outpatient practice and my area of specialization includes treating adults with complicated trauma and dissociative disorders.

Julia began treatment with me July 25, 2007. Julia has a significant history of mental health treatment but had recently been diagnosed with a dissociative disorder, a condition typically diagnosed in people who have a serious trauma history that is often misdiagnosed in the mental health system. Her condition at the time included significant episodes of amnesia (loss of memory), dissociative fugue (continuing to function despite being in a fugue or trance state), derealization (a persistent sense of life, self or others as being unreal), depersonalization (a sense of being separated from ones own body) and identity alteration (having multiple parts of the self). Since July Julia and I have been meeting twice a week and we have been able to clarify her diagnosis as one of dissociative identity disorder (bi-weekly therapy is the current best practice for treatment of serious dissociative disorders).

Julia has been an excellent candidate for therapy and recovery from these most difficult symptoms. Although she has struggled to establish stability since arriving in Portland Julia attends all her sessions, follows up on therapy homework and actively reaches out for community support. She has an established relationship with a psychiatric nurse practitioner and is in compliance with her medication prescriptions. As a result of her hard work and persistence her overall condition has improved and we have been able to establish some longer term goals that include regular exercise, supportive nutrition, socialization, medical attention for stomach and sleep problems and beginning a program to get a psychiatric service dog.

It is my professional opinion that the events that lead to this hearing resulted from a panic attack and identity alteration episode that took place when Julia was reaching out for help and ended up feeling threatened and at risk. This reaction is congruent with her diagnosis and is involuntary but can be ameliorated with further treatment. I would like to attest to the fact that these difficult episodes are becoming much less frequent as Julia’s treatment progresses and that her condition does not put anyone else at risk. This event has allowed Julia and I to begin work on a larger safety plan that includes multiple ways to reach out for support with people who can help her feel safe even when she is symptomatic.

I would urge you to allow Julia to continue in student housing so that she may continue to put together a stable life as she becomes a strong part of the PSU community. If information or conversation with me would be helpful please do not hesitate to call me.

Sincerely,

Didn't get as much work done as would have liked this weekend, as my mind has been hard to keep focused. One of the things that was accomplished was to figure out how to use pstricks in a basic way to add some images to my paper for psychology. It was frustrating, but kinda nice once it started working.

This was a first attempt. But, for some reason when I tried to add a caption to the figure it wound out in the middle of the labels.



So, with some modifications, and cleaning up the placement of some of the 'dots' for easier detection of where they overlapped.



The writing of the paper is going slow. A double spaced page should have how many paragraphs on it? Trying to follow the prompts we were given I am going to be a page short of the 3 pages. Maria says it is because I write in a concise way, afraid it is more not having any idea how to "actually" write a formal paper.

Been trying to figure out a way to blog about this. And there really isn't a good way. But, since most of what happens my life is in this journal it doesn't make sense to leave this out.

Last Wednesday on my way out the door to take my PSY 204 midterm there was a letter attached to the door. It was to inform me that I am going to have a disciplinary hearing due to the crisis call I made the other week (though as well see later there is more going on than this). The hearing was set for friday, but has been postponed until Monday so that the director of disability services can sit in and help advocate.

This is what they list as a description of the incident, "Call received from CPSO dispatch of a possible suicide attempt from resident in Stratford 101." CPSO is Campus Public Safety Office. You can read my minor description about the event here in a previous journal entry.

It appears that there is more than just calling crisis at 3am, which would in fact be the correct thing to do if you are in crisis. So if it was just about that, the moral of the story would be don't call crisis if you want to avoid a disciplinary hearing. The larger issue is that I've been hospitalized more than a few times since coming to Portland, and apparently they want that to stop.

Ok? Just tell me how and I'll get right on it. Seriously, in therapy, seeing neurologist, working on getting service animal to help with dissociative epsisodes (and other things), documenting everything with disability services and trying not to flunk out in the process. If they think being in the ER or the psych ward is desirable, then they need to try it before passing judgement. And then there are the bills. Here is just a couple to give you an idea.

$3,150 ER and 1 day psych (ICU) stay same hospital
$2,475 24 hours in ER awaiting transfer to another hospital
$1,890 1 day in the other hospital after being transfered
$1,900 ER visit awaiting transfer to another hospital
$1,900 1 day in psych ICU
$8,90 Ambulance less than 1 mile to ER
And this could continue with the same trend for the other visits.

Therapy is not covered under medicare, therapist is using sliding scale, but that is still $300 a month, soon going to $400 a month. Medications even with insurance run $200 in copays a month.

I wear a medic alert bracelet that has instructions and more info if they call the 800 number with the code. I carry a card in the wallet around my neck on the laynard with all the contact info for myself, partner, and therapist. Campus Public Safety was sent a letter back in August to let them know what to do if they found me lost and wandering.

Not sure what else they can expect me to do. Losing housing would be a serious setback.

I didn't do as well as I would have liked. I had trouble concentrating. I'm sure I passed and didn't do THAT badly and given as well as I did the rest of the quarter I should be fine for the semester. But this morning it occurred to me that at least one of the proofs I skipped, could have been done with induction in a fairly straight forward way. But, that is how my mind works, the next day...

It is behind me now and will try to leave it there.

Have done what can to be ready and still feel less than prepared. This should be a no brainer, but without my glasses and the events of the last few weeks just not feeling steady on feet. The allowed page of notes is prepared, but not in way it would have if was able to see properly. Hope will be able to follow it. Won't be able to use the computer to type up the exam this time, more than simple email and blog posts are beyond ability at the moment, yeah, clueless without glasses.

But, will survive and move on. It will all be over by lunch time. And then have new quarter to look forward too.

This email came into my box today from the DRC (Disability Resource Center).

Music Within is a Hollywood movie about two students. The two main characters are disabled students who struggle to make their life's relevant. It is about their trials and tribulations. The movie was shot on sight here at Portland State University with extras from our student body.

If you are interested in this viewing there is a limit time offer for free tickets to the Bridgeport Regal Cinemas.

Hoping that the tickets would be open ended so that it would be possible to wait for an opened captioned showing I ran over to get two. It turns out that they are only for tonight or two showings tomorrow (none of which are captioned).

Conversation with the young woman who was giving out the tickets at the information booth in the student center.

Me: "It's too bad it's not during a captioned showing."
Her: "They are free tickets, so it should be good anyway."
Me: "Well, if you can't hear and understand the dialog..."
Her: "I saw the previews it looks like a really good movie, you will enjoy it."
Me: "[Sigh]Sure. Thanks."

Not sure if we'll use the tickets or not. Not sure if we really can. The transportation issue is a problem here as well. The theater is not conveniently located for bus access, and with less than one day notice it is impossible to set up LIFT transportation.

Today there were bomb threats at both Portland State University and the University of Massachusetts.

From my University email today

---
October 25, 2007

PSU responds to bomb threat with high vigilance

This morning, a Portland State University campus service officer discovered a note containing a bomb threat during a routine patrol on campus. A second note was located soon afterward.

To safeguard human life and property, campus public safety officers and University support teams quickly conducted a thorough search of all campus buildings. No suspicious devices or packages were located. The campus incident response team consulted with the Portland Police Department and the FBI.

In consultation with the Portland Police Department, the decision was made to not evacuate campus buildings. The campus incident response team remains vigilant for unusual objects or other threats.

Joan Barnes
Assistant Vice President for University Communications
Office of University Communications
503-725-3711 ucomm@pdx.edu
---

And the following news from back East.

AMHERST, MASSACHUSETTS (WWLP) - The UMass Amherst campus was shut down until 11 a.m. Thursday morning because of a campus emergency. According to Glenn Ellis, supervisor of the campus' physical plant, at approximately 5:30 a.m. a custodian at Herter Hall found an empty 30 pack beer box with wires and a battery coming out of it. Attached to the box was a note that said "if you move this it will explode." The state bomb squad was called in and the device was determined to be fake.

At a news conference held at 9 a.m. at UMass, Spokesman Ed Blaguszewski said the threat was taken seriously, and the campus was shut down as a precautionary measure to protect students, faculty, and staff. Students were notified of the situation through the campus email system and school's website.

Ok, everyone should be tired of this by now.

I just remembered what I left out of the problem that explains why summerholly's solution, while valid for most usages is not for this problem if worded the way it was on the exam, not the way I gave it. The problem starts off with "Use the Euclidean Algorithm to solve the following problem" see post for rest of problem. Given that part, you can't use simple algebra to solve the problem. When it isn't 20 of 1 in the in morning, I'll write up a complete solution with an explination of how to do the problem and you can see why. Right now I should be in bed, but despite taking sleeping medications I can't sleep.

After summerholly pointed out that the question earlier COULD be done with simple algebra, and this is because it is a special case of the larger question, I am suddenly paniced over did I read the question wrong. Had the question been to list all the possible ways that the change could be made with dimes and quarters it is a more difficult question. Having the dimes equal the quarters makes it a special case in which Summer points out that it breaks down to algebra where it is sets of $0.35 and there are 13 of them. Done. She's right. Only silly math majors focused on the use of the concepts they were taught in class would write a book of fancy equations to prove that fact.

OR!!!!

A silly blonde girl misread the question somehow. I really hope this isn't what happened. I started to work out all the possible solutions, they are on the scratch paper. I know there was something about the dimes and quarters being equal, I'm hoping now it didn't say, all ways where they aren't equal. That would be a very different problem. And I would have answered it badly.

There is another possiblity. It was a trick problem or the teacher didn't think about what Summer noticed.

At any rate I'm a little paniced that I totally blew the question dew to misreading the problem. I'm also a little worried that I wrote True in a place where I meant false.

Sigh.

Today was the first day of a 2 day midterm in Number Theory. I went in on Friday to make sure that the laptop was properly setup with LaTeX so that at least that wouldn't be a problem today. Shaun helped by going over the exam with me before I started and then went over what I had done with me at the end. But, I still wondered if I wrote "True" where I meant "False", it is obvious I meant "False" since I gave a counter example and not a proof. But, knowing this teacher I'd lose major credit for that sort of a mix up. I went into some serious detail on the one problem after the notes she wrote on my one homework. I never did really understand what she wrote other than than it said I did the problem correctly, but she wanted more info, but it was correct. So, I basically wrote a book about how do the problem, step by step by step.

I get confused often by leaving out steps that seem obvious to me and apparently aren't to others, or putting in steps that are obvious to others but don't seem so to me. It appears this is just one of those situations I can't win.

If anyone is actually intersted the problem I wrote a book on was "A man has $4.55 in change made of only dimes and quaters. Is it possible for the number of dimes to be the same as the number of quaters? if so how many of there of each? justify your answer." I'm sure that isn't the exact wording, but it is the problem.

We were given two "for fun" problems that weren't part of the homework, one which was just algebra (but required taking apart a lot of english to get at the variables). And the other was this one based on Diophantine Equations.

It goes something like there were 66 total points scored in a football game between the Packers and the Bears, the Packers score 2 more touchdowns than the Bears (each is worth 7 points each). The Bears score two more field goals than the Packers (each is worth 3 points). No other points are scored. How many of each type are scored by both team?

Below is my work (not sure where the dots in the background came from when I exported the png out of the pdf via gimp, try and say that 3 times fast). I didn't type it up like I do homework since it isn't homework. Because of the magic of a tablet PC I didn't waste a mountain of paper doing both my homework or this problem. I made a silly subtraction error that propigated through the problem that through off the answer by 2 originally. Ooops.

Because I am not sure if it is clear, I used B_t to mean Bears touchdowns and P_f to be Packers field goals, that sort of variable naming.

Friday was a disaster of a day at school in general. The cartoon only expressed part of the distress. I'm not doing well in interfacing with the one teacher at all. Though later I found out it isn't only me, she scares the interpreters, so maybe it is a disability thing (or maybe she's just plain mean). At any rate she got mad at me because I didn't alaphbetize the papers correctly after I graded them. This is a task that is very difficult of someone with a reading disorder. Then to be scolded in front of the class. I was a mess after that, I came back to the apartment and fell apart, sobbing. Cleaned myself up enough later to make it to my next class.

Then in the next class, the logic class. I got back the homework and EVERY problem was marked wrong by the grader and large amounts of incomprehensible scribbling was on my papers. I had the right answers, I just used a different method of getting them. I've taken a much more advanced logic class (oddly enough with a lower 'class number') in the past and know easier ways of doing this than the messy way taught in class. I think all the scribbling was meant to show me the method in class. The teacher came over at the end of class to let me know that the homework wouldn't affect my grade, ok, but why are my problems being marked wrong???? Because the grader has never seen this material before and doesn't understand the method I'm using. At that point it was over and I blew up. I started yelling "What do you mean he's never seen this material before? I thought that's why he got the grader job? Why is he grading MY work?!?!?!" I stormed out of the room in yet another mess.

I had a few hours to try and get myself into some kind of shape before the mathematics colliquiom in the afternoon. The college has been nice enough to provide an interpreter for the lectures for me each week, this is the first week that it was in place. The woman presenting this week aparently had a VERY thick Greek accent and it was hard for the interpreters to keep up with the accent AND the lingo at the same time, I felt sorry for them. The one interpreter that I work with often told me she never wanted to see me again, that at least made me laugh.

I didn't sleep well at all Friday night, tossing and turning, awful nightmares. Throwing my covers from the bed. Having Maria shake me awake because I was screaming in my sleep.

I've had a hard time focusing on homework this weekend and haven't finished the problem set for Number Theory class (the one with the teacher that is so mean). I hope I can get more of it done this afternoon. Though the grading process is such that if you at least make an attempt at the problem you get credit. And I've at least started all the problems. Though some of them are not started very well. My brain is in a fog.

Most of the 'social' type events are still up for grabs. We'll see how I'm doing.

Monday -
06:30 am Go to gym
10:00 am Meet with the Sailing Crew
visit disability services alternative text lab
04:30 pm Night on the town (dinner and a movie, most likely skip the movie part)

Tuesday -
06:30 am Go to gym
11:00 am Therapy
03:30 pm Campus Rec Smorgasborgh

Wednesday -
06:30 am Go to gym
12:00 pm Party in the Plaza
3:30 pm Campus Rec Smorgasborgh

Thursday -
06:30 am Go to gym
11:00 am Therapy
12:00 pm Sailing Club (need to figure out how to get there since will be late due to therapy)
05:00 pm Shindig under the stars

Friday -
06:30 am Go to gym
10:00 am New Students Convocation
meet with interpreters for number theory class
04:00 pm non-traditional students event

They re-evaluated my income and my pell grant increased. I now have enough with the pell grant and loans to cover the cost of classes, that's it, but at least the cost of classes is covered. If Maria finds work and we can get some insurance things might just level out some.

If I'm reading this properly at most you can transfer in as is a Junior... That seems just wrong.

PSU Transfer Map

Which means that I still have to take their upper division university studies classes (fancy wording for yet more general education). Oh, and the Senior Capstone is also more general education (not geared towards your major, unlike back in MA). So between the two, that is a total of 18 credits of general education, when I was going to be a senior back in MA with only my major requirements and some electives left.

Everyone is going to get tired of listening to me rant about school REALLY soon. I'll try to talk about something else, I promise.

Well on the upside... Final grade for the Music class B!!!!

Downside, not enough credits taken for summer semester, lost financial aid for the summer. Ya'd have thunk someone would have mentioned that somewhere along the line.

Off to sulk and try to pull $1000 out of my ass.